一個新的開始

i thought i was stronger then that, i always was but idk.. now its different, is it cause ive been thinking alot lately? maybe exam stress? idk, im kinda scared i have no idea what to do anymore, just sitting here i start wondering what i am actually doing and why i am here. i know your angry, i was never as smart as my sisters,and never will, yet i go out nearly most the time, and i cant really say its not my fault, but, i dont know what to do, why does everything have to be so hard, we all know the truth, and dont try to hide it, have you ever thought about why i stayed out so much? what being home meant to me? maybe i should stop going out so much... but i wouldnt imagine stop going to crossover, but thinking about it, all that will happen is...nothing really, just the thought of "oh she didnt come in" there isnt a real reason for me to be there, nothing will change dramatically if i didnt go, but staying at home, what good is that for me? well...i can already imagine it, its already starting... i dont want to return to my old self again :( but i havent completely headed into the direction i was going for, i say i was only closest 60% there, now im slowly returning...and i really want to do something about that... but i can back out now...to many things to do, kpop summit, charity concert, not being here for a month will affect this badly :/ i dont know why your so angry with me.... what am i supposed to do! just cause you have no power...dont take it out on me i cant believe you! you have absolutely no manners around the house, you help with absolutely nothing! yet its always you you you! i would never let myself do wat you do every day. the disadvantages of being the eldest. its settled. no more till then!.