after writing that and lying on my bed listening to this song, i realise.... im not doing anything. im not doing anything to help anyone~ all im doing is sitting here complaining about my life... im such a horrible person. and its too late now, even if i was going to make it up, its too late now :( i should have given it to you, i knew it! but i just couldnt give it up :( sorry :( im so so so so so so so sorry this is all my fault everything... it is, its all my fault, i should be the one kicked out, i should be the one everyone hates, i should be the one no body likes, its me! but then again how would i know if im already there

that little something

i feel, if i do spend time by myself its dangerous... at times like these, its empty and cold, all by myself. thats how it always is. i dont think anything could change that. even if on the outside im absolutely fine, i try to smile, i try to make others happy, to help them. my problems are too.... fustrating. i dont want to think about them but they sit at the back of my head, poking and killing off every happy momment in my life. so writing them out would probably be better.. 1. im glad i got to tell at least someone how i felt with this whole situation. so thank you for listening, but remember my opinion and how i see things makes no difference and should not play any part in this thing, but yer thanks :) it lifted some pressure off~ 2. i was so happy when you asked me, i think it really warmed my heart that you actually asked for my opinion, on something very personal too ^^ although im not much help, it was nice to see your worried and confused face asking me what i think, but school starts.. i wont see that face for quite some time now... but i wish you the best :) 3. i am a very judgmental person, i have problems with everyone, but thats what i do. no ones perfect and i see these imperfections, but theres nothing wrong with them. everyone is different everyone is unique. after all that happens all that i can say, is i really really do care about all of you and i would never never never want to lose any of you, and that really comes from the bottom of my heart i feel that time together has already began ceasing, i dont care how you think of me, all i want from the times we spent together is a smile, even if there were heaps of downs for you i really hope that one light amoungst the darkness will bring you moments of happiness. no matter what happens in the future i will always remember our times together. thats all i wish for. all the best for your future, each and every one of you <3 4. after all this is said and done, i sit in my empty room and think, i should never spend time like this alone ever again >< its so bad, but i guess ill be fine tomorrow, i think ive come to hate weekends.... im really liking this song, it captures alot... 你离开的那一天 天空有点灰 见不着你最爱的蓝天 少了一个人斗嘴 多些朋友的安慰 一切 都不是错觉 来不及道声感谢 故事已结尾 太多事情来不及后悔 我还有太多心愿 太多梦没有实现 桌上还留着过去的照片

我一个人的失眠 一个人的空间 一个人的想念 两个人的画面 是谁的眼泪是谁的憔悴 洒满地的心碎 我一个人的冒险 一个人的座位 一个人想着一个人 眼角的泪这不是错觉

right here, right now

people dont release how special and important someone is to their lives, they take them for granted, they use them, and what they believe is the right thing is actually hurting that someone, bit by bit, dagger by dagger, piercing the heart, and ripping apart any hope that is left. i thought i had it figured, i thought everything was going to be alright, but life isnt a movie, there are no happy endings. time and time again i watch people find happiness, and after time and time again having comforting them, supporting them, everyone finds their happy place. you say i enjoy this, you say im strong enough to push though, to handle this..but am i? am i really? perhaps i am the type of person that likes to help others to find their sanctuary, to watch a sanctuary forming, but never in turn finding one. its nights like this where i truely wonder is my life worth it? am i actually going to make it somewhere, 2 years have passed...i feel i have accomplished nothing, nothing to what i can be proud of, nothing to which i can think back and smile at, there is always that shadow. hidden feelings, hidden secrets. over and over again i see the light, but its slips away till i am left with nothing, time and time i struggle only to come close but never reaching my goal. this is my endless cycle of unhappiness and not anyone can help me, i am doomed for my life of misery and sadness and there is absolutely no point in convincing me other wise, this is what my life has destined to be