here we go again

i havent felt this for a very long time, sure ive gone down this road but not this far, not as far as when theres no possible way back, last time there was you, which i dont want to admit but yes, i cant but just smile, you were great and i really thank you :) you helped me ALOT maybe thats one of the advantages, but yes i really want to thank you, last time you saved me from falling deeper, but i doubt you will read this... lol theres no way :) this time round its harder to get through, i dont know how i will survive the next month, its so empty, cold, and with this weather, it doesnt make it better, its so hard to find a reason to live, a reason to try harder, is there a point? no one really cares, my parents hate me, my sisters dont care at all, you say that but it doesnt really concern you, theres no point to anything. maybe..this holiday would be good for me.... maybe...im still not sure, will it just bring more unhappiness and stress? or give me a break? what you said today is totally right, some people can do it, others cant, i can...most of the time ^^ sometimes it gets hard to, but normally i can live by it. but i dont blame her for it, we are human not robots :) im sure you do sometimes too so why all the hate! :P but...how long can this **** last? when will it were away? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!i dont want to anymore! being a teenager is horrible.... but i must say...its just thinking ^^ im sure ill be fine in the morning, maybe posting this will cut me away from this....i think lol :) but i hope you are doing well :) and yer ..... thoughts be gone!