miracles in december

December has started, the last month of the year and what a year it has been. i havent blogged in like forever, alot has changed i feel, and now my heart aches because of many things.... i have come to realised i have made the wrong decision and took the wrong path... although this path is worth it in the future, i feel that if i had taken the other road, it would have benefited me personal more and would have been happier that way. but i cant u-turn now, i guess ill wait till January and when uni starts. uni.... what am i going to do with you.... results arent out yet but i still really need to decide what i want to look into... going to the usyd nursing intro was very helpful and i quite like it, excluding the fact that it takes me 1.5 hours to get home.... other then that it looks very good. but double degree or just the plain bachelor? :/ i cant decide..... i think ill just wait for the result :/ which is like..... in 2 weeks.... dammnnnnn the biggest thing in my life right now is exo... hard to believe but yes exo is very important atm.. words can not describe how i feel towards them, their music, their everything, is just irreplaceable speaking of replaceable, recently i have decided to cut some relationships...well cut alot of relationships because i feel... i do have a choice who to hang and be with them, i can say no to people and i dont have to listen to them if i dont feel like it, this is one step in my life at the moment that i definately do not regret, it has allowed me to find better and happy things to do with my time...like exo ^^ plus it looks like my decision to do this has made no difference to everyday life so it does shine light on what that relationship meant... which nothing haha what a pity. but like jasmine said, you spend so much time trying to build that relationship but in the end, it was all for nothing. working 7 days a week does keep me occupied so....sleep time now :3 but as long as i have exo i feel it will be fine, dont judge. no one will understand how important exo is to me <3 sigh just thinking about them i can feel my heart ache haha oh wells, i cant with for mircles in december :) new songs to add to the exo <3 playlist ^^

I thought everything was actually going alright and I was quite getting used to the new community

But I know can say, trust took along time to build, after many nights of deliberating, and countless events, but one bad decision destroyed it and I think it will be very hard to build it again

I've learnt my lesson (y) never again! 

Tears hurt.... 

My one and only wish

I don't know how many people still read this, or how many still care but I still want to put it out there.

I think it's time to accept the fact that we have all changed, and there is no way things will go back to the way it used to be, that being said the one thing that I really really wish to come out of this, is that we can all still dance together, as a crew we are continuing to grow was people and dancers and the last thing I want is that we give that up :/ so my one wish is that we keep on dancing, sure we might not be as close as before but our dancing is much to important to give up (y) 

Thanks for hearing me out, I understand not all wishes come true, but ill just hope this one will. I guess I just have to wait and see. Hsc is really hitting me hard, physical and emotionally, 3-4 months left LETS DO THIS! 

No matter what everyone's decision is, I will always cherish the memories we had and I hope you guys do to (y)

everyday just gets colder...lonelier....and harder to bare

my chocolate coating

yes i am too negative about life, and yes its not good for me...but can i help it? everyday i come home almost hating myself, hating everything that happened. nothing to me is real. everything is hidden, a lie. but ofc do people know? no! you reading this, if anyone does read it might know, but do you really believe me? does anything matter anymore, no matter what happens that chocolate coating will always be there, and theres no getting rid of... you cant change whats inside it.... but you can always change the coating. whats inside will always be there... i just want to sink deep and hide away. life sometimes gets too much, the nicer you are to me, the more scared i get. the friendly you are, the more i wonder if my life is a lie, why cant it all just stop... but on a chocolate coated note :) soon my life MIGHT take a huge step...so we shall see how it goes ^^ i hope its successful but... i wouldnt be to sad if it wasnt siighhhhhhhhhhhh

some rollacoaster..... all i have to say is...why? why did you do this to me, why did you all have to do this to me...

how is life?

so school has started for exactly one week now... how do i feel about it? mixed feelings really.... :/ today i told **** life is good, and i quite enjoy my life right now, but i cant be notice that when i say that, there is a slight hesitation and i think...its not actually all good. most of my time spent is on homework and just school stuff in general, and when i have free time...i normally use it to complain about how tired i am...or sleep... i barely have time for anything anymore, i barely see my sisters, i never have dinner at home anymore lol... but my life has become so focused on school work...i find it so weird. but i definately feel i could work harder at it, there is so much more i can improve on and i need to! :/ i guess this is the life of HSC, lets just hope things will work out, :D but yes...starting my new life studying most of the time..i feel a bit of me has died... idk what...but it has, have i come accustomed to the new surroundings? the new people? and have the old forgotten? so many questions so little time but i think the main thing i want to put out there, is im doing well :) if anyone cared lol haha, i may sometimes seem depressed or stressed but deep down, im alright ^^ so no worries! just keep powwering on ^^ ...its late :/ should go to sleep, tutoring tomorrow ^^ hahah with MMM :D trololol so night world! :D