here we go again

i havent felt this for a very long time, sure ive gone down this road but not this far, not as far as when theres no possible way back, last time there was you, which i dont want to admit but yes, i cant but just smile, you were great and i really thank you :) you helped me ALOT maybe thats one of the advantages, but yes i really want to thank you, last time you saved me from falling deeper, but i doubt you will read this... lol theres no way :) this time round its harder to get through, i dont know how i will survive the next month, its so empty, cold, and with this weather, it doesnt make it better, its so hard to find a reason to live, a reason to try harder, is there a point? no one really cares, my parents hate me, my sisters dont care at all, you say that but it doesnt really concern you, theres no point to anything. maybe..this holiday would be good for me.... maybe...im still not sure, will it just bring more unhappiness and stress? or give me a break? what you said today is totally right, some people can do it, others cant, i can...most of the time ^^ sometimes it gets hard to, but normally i can live by it. but i dont blame her for it, we are human not robots :) im sure you do sometimes too so why all the hate! :P but...how long can this **** last? when will it were away? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!i dont want to anymore! being a teenager is horrible.... but i must say...its just thinking ^^ im sure ill be fine in the morning, maybe posting this will cut me away from this....i think lol :) but i hope you are doing well :) and yer ..... thoughts be gone!

do you believe in ******?

so today, normal ish, first period study YAY! for actually doing work! i completed 2 chapters lol... it didnt take that long actually ^^ then a had english which was work work work but nothing really sinks in ^^ then after recess i had actually maths, LOL BEST LESSON EVER! our teacher is horrible! she got the rule wrong and a classmate corrected her and she was told to "open the door and come into our world" cause clearly our teacher is right and she is wrong but NO! she was the one that got it wrong lol and blamed it on being distracted by the previous rule, DUDE! they are 2 totally different rules == lol then she went on to do an example and lol at the beginning of the lesson she said "Dont you dare touch that calculater! you should all know your cubics and quartics up to 5! no excuses!" and end of the lesson 64 turns into 4^4...the whole Asian corner...lol whut? heehee even i knew that wasnt right ^^ then we told her she wrote it wrong and she was like...OH!!! woops got a bit confused there and rights 3^4 WRONG AGAIN MISS!!! trolololol and WE HAD TO DO THE QUESTION FOR HER~! == some teacher she is :) well it wasnt very hard..so meh :P physics next and I ACTUALLY LEARNT SOMETHING!! yay! im enjoying physics way more then chemistry...which is kinda weird...lol :P heehee speaking of chemistry CARMEN! i started avogadro :P well...sorta...it was for homework..homework which i havent looked at :P after physics i had double music, i was so tried by the end i fell asleep which was alright cause i was listening to good music ;) didnt head to the library today cause...lol i didnt have much maths homework ^^ miss was to carried away and only gave us question 1 and 2 :P and we dont have maths til tuesday WAHAHAH!! :D tomorrow friday... then saturday then sunday then monday then tuesday then wednesday then...im gone :/ hmmmmmmmmmmm :( i dont want to gooooo

Bright new dayyyy :)

lol...

just stop thinking!!!

lol....i get later and later..maybe i should not...lol first period religion...i couldnt fall asleep :/ so i just drew on stuff ^^ after i had music which was prac so...nothing really, after music i had maths...not very interesting...im starting to get behind again ^^ lol so i havent started any maths this week.... what am i doing!!! >< after we had a roll period which was nothing... then music again, and it was prac again so.... nothing really :) yay! i got a recording (Y) hahah but still needs work, lol i wonder how it will sound with the whole orchestra :P after music i had chemistry, i was so tired..i fell asleep :/ and lol missed the whole pouring, woke up at the bell to find outside absolutely horrible! definately woke me up, i didnt end up going to library as it was way to cold, so i went home, the bus was alright but :/ when i got off...it was absolutely horrible == it was cool cause my fingers were frozen...i could move them ^^ and got soaked :) i guess it wasnt THAT bad but lol hope it doesnt happen again :/ did nothing after i am so un-motivated into doing anything.... new favourite song!...for the moment ^^ i hope i find something to work towards :/ wish i could just be lifted out of this sighhhhhhh another day tomorrow and it will be exactly a week

im so lost.. is it like impossible for me to be doing one thing right? == there is only one solution...well more but one that i want to do :/

not much time left

today is monday >< just 7 days... :/ well i woke up extremely tired, then made my way to school, first period physics was.... good :) i actually did work! :) then i had religion..i swear i am invisible or something, the girl behind me had her laptop open (so did i) she got yelled at and had to put the laptop down....but she didnt say anything about me...lol and my friend got in trouble for sleeping....hmmm...weird...oh wells she doesnt know my name anyway ^^ then after recess i had english and maths, i fell asleep in english >< they we giving back advice on our english papers...yer i fell asleep..should have listened though ^^ oh wells, i got an ok mark anyway :) hahah kevin :P then i had maths, normal..nothing interesting, lunch went really fast then i had double chem, the lesson went quite fast and lol we got put into a setting plan but really...now we are in yr 11...and its elective classes... everyone is friends with everyone, so setting plans dont really work..lol im in between my two good friends...i have no issues with this setting plan :) after chem, emily wanted to walk so i walked with her down to anzac parade, 1. its never going to happen so stop talking about it 2. yes i know im weird like that but...i cant do anything about it == 3. :/ i dont know either all i know is (1)234 (1)2345678 1(2)3 (1)(2)(3) (1)(2)34567 12(3)45 1(2)3 (1)23 (1)(2) and 4. it's weird right? , i really want to have an a epiphany so i can sorta understand yer so emily got to her bus stop and i got to mine...it was weird weather today :/ the bus came quickly and i spent the whole bus ride home trying the 25 levels on doors, and I WAS ON A ROLL! :P i finished all of them...except the last one ^^ got home and...lol fell asleep didnt do much for the rest of the night so im going to leave it as that :)

To the next one!!

Today was fun :) no regrets, happy with this ending :)